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And the Finalists for the CME Music Contest are …

Update: Voting is now closed for the CME’s first music contest. Thanks loads to all those who entered. Winners and particulars will be announced on next week’s show.

You bastards never cease to amaze us, you know that? We have no choice but to consider the first ever CME music contest a smashing success after you guys clogged our inbox with entries during the past few weeks. Bravo to everyone who competed, as we got some really stunning submissions in multiple genres showcasing varying levels of sophistication, style and brawlability. From those original volleys emerge these five finalists, which were among the dopest we received. Take a minute, listen to the tunes and then vote in the poll below. The winner will become the CME’s new theme music for a length of time to be determined. Seriously though, nice job, team. You all kicked ass.

Now, everybody in. CME on three, ready? 1-2-3. CME!

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/101487555%3Fsecret_token%3Ds-mGK0w” params=”” width=” 100%” height=”166″ iframe=”true” /]

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/101487600%3Fsecret_token%3Ds-c2dbw” params=”” width=” 100%” height=”166″ iframe=”true” /]

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/101487643%3Fsecret_token%3Ds-3ZQFW” params=”” width=” 100%” height=”166″ iframe=”true” /]

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/101487698%3Fsecret_token%3Ds-o3vJF” params=”” width=” 100%” height=”166″ iframe=”true” /]

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/101487744%3Fsecret_token%3Ds-Whvos” params=”” width=” 100%” height=”166″ iframe=”true” /]

Listener Mail GIF Parade: Year of the Superfight Edition

Another week, another crush of mail from you people, what with your questions and your questionable assertions and your ideological rants thinly disguised as questions. What I’m trying to say is, we love you crazy sons of bitches. Unfortunately, we don’t have time to answer all your emails with, you know, words and stuff. But that’s why God made GIFs, right?

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Listener Mail GIF Parade: UFC 162 Edition

Yeah, this is happening again. I guess no one should be all that surprised that your dudes got a ton of listener mail after Anderson Silva’s fake stanky leg became a totally real, totally stanky one at UFC 162.

Obviously, we couldn’t get to all that in one episode of the podcast without breaking a solemn vow up in this piece. Also, we don’t really want to take the time to answer all those questions with words, because that sounds hard. So what do we do? We say it with a GIF, brother. It’s all we really can do.

From Michael M: I’ll keep it simple. Something seemed a bit fishy at the end of Silva Weidman, and no I’m not a “fucking idiot” as Dana White termed those who are suspect. While the big money superfights are now on hold, which would normally be motivation for such a set-up, any real chance this one was fixed?

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Film Study: Diaz Camp Not Pleased with Motherf*ckers Being All Wet and Shit

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rAUKEpclmM]



It has already been a banner week for Diaz-related videos, what with E. Casey Leydon’s fabulous and unflinching profile of the men behind War MMA going up over at MMA Fighting.com. As you may or may not remember from the Just Sayin’ Stuff portion of this week’s CME Podcast Ben Fowlkes also referenced another glorious 209-centric video (which you now see above) proving that being in Nick Diaz’s corner during a UFC fight is exactly as awesome as you’ve always imagined.

Ben posted it to his Twitter account a few days ago, but we figured it was worth putting up here as well, just in case you don’t keep tabs on his every social media move. Though seriously, we can’t imagine why that would be the case, unless you’re not into being insulted.

The whole video is pretty much gold, though major highlights here include the Diaz camp being weirdly (but frankly not surprisingly) obsessed with the amount of water opposing coaches put on these motherfuckers, their pronouncement that Carlos Condit’s offense consists mostly of “asshole shit” and somebody we assume is either Cesar or Nate yelling “Fucking Hawaiians!” during Nick’s fight against B.J. Penn.

Introducing the Co-Main Event Podcast Music Contest

3106Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, you guys, and so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. That’s what Martin Luther King Jr. told us during his famous “Promised Land” speech in Memphis, Tennessee (April, 1968) and while we’re reading between the lines a little bit, we’re pretty sure what he meant was this: If you want the Co-Main Event Podcast to have a dope theme song, you have to take the initiative. That shit ain’t gonna write itself.

And so it is up to you, CME Universe, to write, record and enter the contest we hope will produce a brand new main title theme for the show. Since our intense demographic research reveals that pretty much all of you play in cool bands, are DJs, singer/songwriters and/or amazingly talented solo musicians, we figure this won’t be a problem.

You have about three weeks to get this done. Once all entries are received, your humble co-hosts will review them and select a winner. Or maybe we’ll pick some finalists and let the Universe vote on a winner. That part is up in the air at the moment. For now, all you need to concern yourself with is the creative process, and composing a dynamite song to lead the CME into the warm glow of the future. You want to make an epic seven minute video of yourself rapping on a pirate ship to go with it, that’s your business. All we need are the tunes.

ALL ENTRIES MUST BE RECEIVED BY NOON (in the one true time zone, obviously) ON JULY 16, 2013.

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Introducing the Co-Main Event Podcast Unofficial Drinking Game

Drinking Game LogoWARNING: Do not play the Co-Main Event Podcast Unofficial Drinking Game if you are pregnant, if you are under the legal drinking age in your country of residence, if you are under the influence of (other) drugs, if you are driving or are going to drive anytime soon, if you plan to operate heavy machinery, care for children, appear in public, write an email, call your mom, call your ex-wife/husband, have a court date, have a date at all, or without the express written consent of Major League Baseball. The rest of you, proceed with caution and mind your manners …

RULES OF PLAY:

1. Drink if Ben or Chad mentions TRT, testosterone, PEDs, marijuana or drug testing.

2. Drink if Ben says, “Here’s the thing …”

3. Drink if Chad says, “Yeah, no.”

4. Drink each time either co-host swears.

5. Drink if Ben or Chad mentions their wives.

6. Drink each time Ben or Chad mentions their employers.

7. Drink each time Ben mentions something he’s written or someone he’s interviewed.

8. Drink if Chad refers to something Ben’s written as a “lifestyle piece.”

9. Drink when Ben says “Listener Mail” in his creepy voice.

10. Drink each time Ben or Chad references Montana.

11. Each time Ben or Chad gets a MasterTweet Theatre guess wrong, drink.

12. Each time Ben or Chad gets a MTT guess right, finish your drink (Experts only.)

13. Drink each time Sir Nigel says “sir.”

14. Drink if either guy does an impression or says something in a voice other than their own.

15. Drink every time Chad mispronounces someone’s name, or talks about mispronouncing someone’s name.

16. Drink upon any mention of “The Poet” Philip Baroni or Tank Abbott.

17. Drink when Chad mentions how to contact the music provider from that week’s show.

18. Between rounds? Drink.

Here’s That Pic of Chad with Tank Abbott

TankAh, the splendor. There are so many awesome things going on in this circa-2003 fan pic of yours truly with fighter/author David “Tank” Abbott that it’s difficult to put it all into words. I mean, the clichéd fist poses, Tank’s T-shirt from the Lean-to Café and Goose Pit Saloon (the pride of Wasco, Oregon), the terrible goatee I walked around with for almost a full year before finally shaving it, my rad early 2000s tie, the fact I appear to be swilling a mixed drink out of a plastic MGD cup. Yeah, these were the early times, the formative years. The exact details here escape me, though I get the feeling this picture may have been taken at the afterparty for UFC 43 … which means we approached Tank to ask him for a picture after watching him get choked out by Kimo Leopoldo in a minute, 59 seconds in the evening’s co-main, back before they even called them that. Great timing, right?

Here’s an account of our short exchange with Abbott from the third man in the picture, who was likely the only one sober enough to stand as a credible witness: “We asked Tank for a photo, and he agreed and then turned around and started talking to this other guy. I remember waiting him out for about 15 or 20 seconds, which felt like 5 minutes, until he turned back to us, gave a look like that said, ‘Wow, you’re still here. All right, you’ve earned it,’ and leaned in between us with his beer front and center. It was quick and dirty, which I’m guessing is how Tank does everything.”

For Whom the Em Tolls: The sound of impending doom for fighters in the UFC

[Ed. Note: The following is the grand prize winner in the CME’s White Elephant Essay Contest. Thanks to all those who entered and, even if you didn’t, thanks for your continued support of the Co-Main Event.]

By Brendan F. from West Roxbury, Mass. (@CursedDiamonds)

The Eminem Curse is real, and it is spectacular. An Eminem song during a fighter’s walkout is the surest indicator of failure in the modern UFC. In the last two years of UFC action, fighters that chose an Eminem song as their walkout music lost, lost, and lost some more. The fighter may have been a favorite or he may have been an underdog, it didn’t seem to matter; he tasted defeat regardless of betting odds. (While it was more often than not an underdog who selected Eminem as their traveling song, favorites lost with Eminem as well.) On rare occasions, a few charmed gladiators have defied the Curse, but those victories proved to be short-lived. Like all dominant champions, the Curse struck back in devastating fashion against these few victors, and handed them crushing defeats when they tried to tempt the fates twice. A few smart fighters have learned how to sidestep this Curse, using songs that merely feature Eminem, but with someone else as the primary artist. Those fighters have chosen wisely, and are currently undefeated when using those songs.

At UFC 115, Chuck Liddell entered the Octagon to the Eminem track “Won’t Back Down,” but he never even made it out of the first round. Rich Franklin ushered in the Eminem Curse with a crushing straight right hand, and the Curse was born. It didn’t wait long before striking again. The very next UFC, Kurt Pellegrino was “Not Afraid,” but unfortunately for him, he was also not a match for this opponent. George Sotiropoulos and his Black Sabbath intro got the W. Shane Carwin, Cole Escovedo, Mike Massenzio (twice), Jake Ellenberger, even Big Foot Silva tasted defeat after entering the cage, accompanied by the Eminem death knell. In the last two years, fighters using Eminem walkouts have won two fights, and lost 14. Even the eternally over-matched Sean Salmon has managed more than two victories in this last 16 fights. (Salmon is 3-13 in his last 16.)

The Curse truly flexes its MMA muscle when considering the two fighters who overcame the Curse, even if only temporarily. Tito Ortiz and Brendan Schaub, give yourselves a hand! At UFCs 128 and 132, Schaub and Ortiz both snatched victory from sure defeat, with Schaub dispatching Cro-Cop and Tito finishing Ryan Bader. Hindsight shows us that these fighters knew not how lucky they really were. They both doubled down, and kept the same music for their next battles. The Curse exploded in Schaub’s face in Brazil via some Big Nog fisticuffs, and Ortiz paid the price with his entire body more than once, getting punished by Rashad Evans and the Little Nog in successive fights. Adding insult to injury, the Curse ended Tito’s career in rather embarrassing fashion, with a fleeing, seemingly defeated Forrest Griffin getting the edge over Tito and his ill-chosen walkout music one last time. You can beat the Curse, but do not dare to try beating it twice.

UFC 139 and UFC on Fuel TV 4 showed us that you can indeed have some Eminem in your walkout music and still avoid the Curse. However, the song may only feature Mr. Mathers and not have him as the star of the song (think Nate Dogg, may he rest in peace). Alexander Gustafsson and Seth Baczynski each found that “Drop The World,” a Lil Wayne joint featuring Eminem had no negative effects on their chances. Both men cruised to victory after entering to that song, with Seth putting Matt Brown to sleep and Gustafsson ruining any remaining title hopes Thiago Silva ever had via unanimous destruction.

The lessons of the Eminem Walkout Curse are simple and direct. If you select Eminem to accompany you to the Octagon, you will almost assuredly lose. Should you somehow pull off the highly improbable and win under such a scenario, thank your lucky stars and never try to do it again, because the Curse will smash you with a ruthless fury when given a second (and third, and fourth) chance. The Eminem Curse is neutralized, possibly reversed when Eminem gets the Nate Dogg slot, but the Curse isn’t about being a Featured Artist. How or why it works are not for me to say, but the evidence shows quite clearly that the Eminem Walkout Curse is real, it is powerful, and it is vengeful. An Eminem song during a fighter’s walkout is the surest indicator of fighter failure in the modern UFC.

Supplemental Data

EVENT
odds, fighter, walkout track and artist
odds, fighter, walkout track and artist
Winner, Round, Manner of Victory

UFC 115
-121 Chuck Liddell: “Won’t Back Down” by Eminem (feat. Pink)
+110 Rich Franklin: “For Those About to Rock” by AC/DC
Franklin, R1 KO/TKO

UFC 116
-154 George Sotiropoulos: “Iron Man” by Black Sabbath
+139 Kurt Pellegrino: “Not Afraid” by Eminem
Sotiropoulos, UD

UFC 121
-170 Matt Hamill: “I Want it All” by Queen
+153 Tito Ortiz: “Mosh” by Eminem
Hamill, UD

UFC 128
-274 Brendan Schaub: “Square Dance” by Eminem
+220 Mirko Cro Cop: “The Ecstasy of Gold (L’Estasi dell’Oro)” by Ennio Morricone
Shaub, R3 KO/TKO

UFC 131
-154 Junior Dos Santos: “Gonna Fly Now” by Bill Conti Gonna Fly Now
+139 Shane Carwin: “Till I Collapse” by Eminem
Dos Santos, UD

UFC 132
+451 Tito Ortiz: “Not Afraid” by Eminem
-536 Ryan Bader: “99 Problems” by Hugo
Ortiz, R1 Sub

UFC 133
-363 Rashad Evans: “Victory” by The Notorious B.I.G.
+335 Tito Ortiz: “Cinderella Man” by Eminem
Evans, R2 KO/TKO

UFC 134
+221 Minotauro Nogueira: “Come With Me” by Puff Daddy
-248 Brendan Schaub: “Square Dance” by Eminem
Nogueira, R1 KO/TKO

TUF 15 LIVE FINALE
-183 Jake Ellenberger: “Till I Collapse” by Eminem & Nate Dogg
+165 Martin Kampmann: “It’s a Fight” by Three 6 Mafia

UFC 135
+191 Cole Escovedo: “Won’t Back Down” by Eminem
-213 Takeya Mizugaki: “Numb” by Linkin Park
Mizugaki, KO/TKO

UFC 139
+105 Seth Baczynski – “Drop the World” by Lil Wayne & Eminem
-135 Matt Brown – “I’d Love to Knock the Hell out of You” by Hank Williams, Jr
Baczynski, R2 Sub.

UFC 140
-278 Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira – “Come With Me” by Puff Daddy
+246 Tito Ortiz – “Cinderella Man” by Eminem
Nogueira, R1 KO/TKO

UFC 142
+451 Mike Massenzio: “Lose Yourself” by Eminem
-536 Rousimar Palhares: ???
Palhares, R1 Sub

UFC on FUEL TV 2
-260 Thiago Silva: “Ratamahatta” by Sepultura
+231 Alexander Gustafsson: “Drop The World” by Lil Wayne & Eminem
Gustafsson, UD

UFC on FOX 3
-130 Mike Massenzio: “Rabbit Run” by Eminem
+118 Karlos Vemola: “Terminator Theme”
Vemola, R2 Sub

UFC 146
-401 Cain Velasquez: “Los Mandados” by Vicente Fernandez
+346 Antonio Silva: “Lose Yourself” by Eminem
Velasquez, R1 KO/TKO

UFC ON FX 4
-125 Joey Gambino: “Cinderella Man” by Eminem
+113 Steven Siler: “In the Air Tonight” by Nonpoint
Siler, R1 Sub

UFC 148
-308 Forrest Griffin: “Shipping Up to Boston” by Dropkick Murphys
+271 Tito Ortiz: “Mosh” by Eminem
Griffin, UD

**It has been reported that Mitch Gagnon entered the Octogon this weekend to Eminem, with the expected result, but are unable to confirm with solid documentation at this time.

UFC 149
+206 Mitch Gagnon
-231 Bryan Caraway
Carraway, R3 Sub

———————

Acknowledgements

All Sean Salmon information courtesy Sherdog.com http://www.sherdog.com/fighter/Sean-Salmon-14515

All fight odds reflect the closing lines at Pinnacle Sportsbook, as archived by BestFightOdds.com http://www.bestfightodds.com/archive

All official fight results courtesy UFC.com http://www.ufc.com/event/Past_Events

All fighter walkout music information courtesy FighterXFashion.com http://fighterxfashion.com/tag/ufc-entrance-music/

A final word: Despite the great advances in media coverage and statistical analysis in MMA the last few years, our knowledge of fighter walkout music remains incomplete. Not every entrance gets broadcast, and many that are can never be rebroadcast due to rights issues. We cannot say with surety that the above list is a complete one, but it reflects the best knowledge available at this time.

Behold, the Grand Prize … (Updated)

UPDATE: OK, two things: A) It turns out our mysterious Anderson Silva painting is the work of podcast listener and professional artist Marco Bucci, which was an awesome surprise. B) It turns out Marco Bucci actually totally rules at art. Like, he’s really, really talented. Check out his work at his personal website. It kind of blew us away.

You see now why your faithful co-hosts couldn’t do it justice with mere words, yes?

Discovered hidden in a forgotten corner of Ben’s and Chad’s “personal collections,” the origin of this MMA-related artifact may well be puzzled over by critics and theorists for generations. After some careful analysis, the CME’s crack staff of research scientists can say with almost 85 percent certainty that what you see here was created as a flattering portrait of UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva, albeit one with some noticeable, uh, impressionistic qualities. As for how it fell into the hands of the CME rather than finding its way to its rightful home on the wall of Silva’s Curitiba villa, no one can say for sure.

Ben suggests it might’ve involved a train robbery. Chad proposes perhaps a drunken late night poker game was to blame. The truth may be somewhere in between, or it may be something else entirely. Who’s to say, really? The point is, once the guys laid eyes on it, they knew they had no choice but to pass it on to you, dear listener.

So, best essay gets it. And probably some other stuff, too. You have seven days. Get writing.

Introducing the Co-Main Event Podcast White Elephant Essay Contest (Rules + Guidelines)

Welcome to the maiden voyage of the Co-Main Event Podcast’s White Elephant Essay Contest, an undertaking we believe to be the first of its kind in the wily and wacky world of mixed martial arts. Hell, maybe the first of its kind anywhere. The concept is fairly simple: Below you will find two essay prompts. Pick the one you like best and compose a formal essay of between 500-1,000 words, spellcheck it, make sure it conforms to our submission guidelines and then email it to us just as you would one of the rambling, often impenetrable queries you routinely submit for our weekly Listener Mail segment.

The winner – or winners, as we hope the case will be – will receive fabulous, mostly MMA-related prize packs from the “personal collections” of Ben Fowlkes and Chad Dundas. We can also almost guarantee that at least one entrant will receive a Baskin & Robins gift card. Don’t you want that person to be you? Of course you do.

The grand prize winner will additionally have the extreme honor of getting their essay published here at CoMainEventPodcast.com. Cool, right?

All entries must be received by midnight (mountain time, naturally) on Tuesday, July 24, 2012. That means you have two full weeks to get this shit done. Only one entry per listener, please.

Below, you will find the prompts as well as more specific instructions for our submission guidelines. Read them. Read. Them. After doing so, if you find you still have questions, email them to us. We’ll do our best to guide you.

For now, go forth and as the 18th Century ploughman poet Robert Burns once said: “Dare to be honest and fear no labor, (you guys).”

The Prompts

Respond to one of the following prompts with a five paragraph essay between 500-1,000 words.

1) The Persuasive Essay (a.k.a Not Just Saying Stuff): Begin your essay with some hardly tenable MMA related claim, then craft a convincing case for it using the formidable powers of your own reasoning and argumentation, as well as some credible outside sources. Bonus points will be awarded based on overall ridiculousness of topic and corresponding convincingness of argument.

2) The Compare and Contrast Essay: Who is the most underappreciated fighter in MMA history and who is the most over-appreciated fighter? Draw upon the formidable powers of your own reasoning and argumentation, as well as some credible outside sources. Bonus points will be awarded for originality, strength of argument and general compare-and-contrast-i-ness.

Formatting Guidelines

1. To make it easy on everyone, paste your essay in the body of an email and submit it that way. As you know, the email address is comaineventpodcast@gmail.com. We won’t be fucking around with attachments, so essays submitted as such won’t be reviewed. Make sure the subject line of your email says “Essay Contest.”

2. First things first, put your name, address and a return email address at the top of your email, so we can get in touch with you when you win.

3. Give your essay a cool title, obviously.

4. Since this is a five-paragraph essay contest, make sure your essay is in five paragraphs, including an introduction boasting a rad thesis statement, three body paragraphs and a conclusion that leaves no room to question your argument.

5. Remember, we said between 500-1,000 words. Don’t go under. Don’t go (much) over.

6. Yes, spelling, grammar and punctuation count.

7. Include a properly formatted bibliography listing a minimum of three sources. Be advised, failure to properly cite and credit sources can constitute the serious academic crime of plagiarism and can result in severe sanctions according to the student conduct code.

8. Is that it? That’s it. If we left anything out, email us your questions.

9. Thanks for your continued support of the Co-Main Event Podcast.

10. Our panel of judges may or may not include the world’s leading theatricalist, Sir Nigel Longstock, so keep that in mind as well.